Facing My Current Fears Without Stress

by Cecile Cinco

Right now it’s 1:06am, Sunday.

Right in front of me is the handwritten notes I took during our last month’s Women’s Club meeting because I was appointed Secretary. Up to the last moment, I haven’t typed it out and in a few hours, at 9:30am, is the start of this month’s meeting.

I have some deadlines to meet before going to bed, one is this Minutes of the Meeting. Another is my speech assignment. Yes, something I really don’t find myself at ease with…speaking in a speech manner. Even in casual fellowship, I’m more of the listener than the speaker. I used to say that my pen (or keyboard) is mightier than my tongue! I communicate better by writing my thoughts.

Writing my thoughts doesn’t mean I am a good secretary. To the contrary. I think I’m the worst secretary anyone could ever have. I know I type fast. At 63wpm, that’s already above average. But being a secretary is not just about typing. Yeah, maybe I am a good or excellent typist but not a secretary. Maybe the spontaneity in me prefers less the rigidity of taking notes and making the minutes. Not to mistake that I don’t like taking notes. I do take notes especially if it’s something I should remember. Being often forgetful, there’s no other remedy to memory recall than to look back to written notes.

As the Secretary of our Women’s Club, there are expectations. Now I have to not just listen to what transpired. I have to write it down, type it later and read the minutes next meeting. That’s another talking assignment. I may only be reading it but still I don’t like the talking part. If ever you catch me talking in front of many (above 10) people, I am overcoming that fear.

I see the need, though. I may not like doing it but if no one else can do it, I’m not backing out from the challenge. I just hope I can do what is expected of me and even make it better. Speaking in public is one of my fears but I’d like to overcome it. I may have those fears but I don’t worry about them. I’m not stressed. Just don’t let me sing solo in front of many people. I can’t muster the courage yet for that.

It’s 1:47am and I’m sleepy. Let me dream instead of going to some las vegas shows.

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